I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
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It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
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I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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