If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
