2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
you never un-have a 4some
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
