I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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