she sounds like chewbacca in bed
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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