He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
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So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
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I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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