I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
