First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
