U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
