I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
