Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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