Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize
