either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
love makes seman taste better
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
