New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
