I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
