No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
