What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
