so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
