we have pet lesbian snakes
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I need a burrito and a hug.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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