It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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