OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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