i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
