Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize