plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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