he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
