It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
