Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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