Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The power of my boobs compel you
So vagazzling was a success
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
