The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
