Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
be right there i have to get my cape
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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