Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
