no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
