There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
