Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
