A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
