Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
