Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Someone signed my nipple.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
