for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
