do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
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I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
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Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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