I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
