i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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