I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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