Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
