The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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