look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
