Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
