The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
