So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
