guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
