Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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