Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Randomize
