It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
