some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
