I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
