Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
