You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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