Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
