Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize