She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
