Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
