Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
