turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
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ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
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Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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