I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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