I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
