dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She is in my trunk
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
